tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69073347660260063322024-03-13T01:12:27.316-07:00tine and tine again...tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-21768106312448749592009-11-11T17:28:00.000-08:002009-11-11T19:07:07.325-08:00what makes you think<span style="font-family: arial;">that i care to see photos of your baby? first of all i dont know you and second i dont do babies. i can at least fake it for people i know, but you sir, a random bar patron: i sure as hell cant get it up for your newly spawned offspring. she me photos of your cat.. ok cool, your dog.. yah thats great.. even your ferret.. but i hate babies and i hate that people feel the need to create an image of them selves and bring them in this stupid world. whatever.. have your babies but i dont want to see them. ok?<br /><br />but speaking of cats.. bk meow is mega smart! today she learned to hit the snooze on the alarm clock. fer serious. we were spooning this morning and the alarm went off and her little paw shot out from under the blaket and tapped the alarm that was in my bed. at first i thought i was coincidence but then she hit again then next snooze time! maybe thats why i slept through my alarm yesterday? i'm gonna have to watch that smart little bitch.<br /><br />i'm also going to take this time (work is hella slow.. i might stab my eyeballs out just for something to do.. hence the mega rant) to say that i have some of the best homies ever. d.bear likes to text me smiths' lyrics in the wee hours of the morning. "this charming man". and mikey always seems to know when i'm having a shit day and texts his love from 303. and bril and camcam and lil.bro. even tom and chuchu. i have a kinds of other great homies but my bestie.bears make me not hate the very existance in we inhabit.<br /><br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-49923713276697581232009-11-03T20:27:00.000-08:002009-11-03T20:48:02.658-08:00just washed my own hair in sink at work<span style="font-family: arial;">cause it was filthy and didn't have time for anyone to wash it today. actually i was hoping to get started on this color bullshit cause my hair is going to take FOREVER to get to grey. and i already bathed once today so i'm sure as hell not going to do it again. i dont know why i hate bathing so much but fuck, i really do. sitting at work on the couch taking advantage of the internet connection the wounderfullness of no one being here. i dont have to listen to ass metal for one.<br /><br />ah, talking heads. this must be the place. this song holds the best memories of this summer, when we used to video night every sunday. when s.douglas and sf and i would all hang out. when sf and i were the bestiest of besties. "i got plenty of time" summer seemed to stretch out forever in front us. it was just getting warm. i finally found my best kiddos. i was on top of the world. i would listen to this song on repeat if i could.... funny how songs can shape your memories. funny how people can shape who you are. especially your besties. you acquire desired traits. retire ones that irriate.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-25250979510959449122009-10-31T15:49:00.000-07:002009-10-31T16:08:37.994-07:00holy shit!<span style="font-family: arial;">i haven't written on this little asshole in so long i coulnd't remember how to log in! ha. started writing in my polka.dot journal more cause i always have it with me. oh and i got addicted to flickr. sorry blogger. maybe i can somehow find a way to fuse you both together.<br /><br />anywho, came to listen to the meow's gossip. nothing too interesting. hmm.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-29370913694052590722009-06-26T16:15:00.000-07:002009-06-26T16:33:19.536-07:00wierd day<span style="font-family: arial;">on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">wednesday</span> i stopped by magpie, just to see if there were any amazing finds that i just couldn't live without. i stumbled upon a yellow terry dress and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">michael</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">jackson</span> thriller t. i wasn't sure if i needed both but i just loved them both and the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">mj</span> shirt was killer. all worn in and soft. grey. tasty. so yesterday morning threw on my new <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">mj</span> t, some skinny black pants, pair of vans and headed to the salon for work. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">bruce</span> was wearing similar outfit <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">commenting</span> that at least his didn't have a child molester on it. in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">mj's</span> defense, i argued that this was back before he molested children, when he was still being molested. later, i was bitching about no good burritos in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">portland</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">linc</span> took me to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">gorditos</span>. fuck yes. this place was the best burrito <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">i've</span> had in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">daysssss</span>. as soon as my burrito came out of the window of the food cart i tore into, molten hot beans seared the roof of my mouth but it was so glorious i couldn't stop!! then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">bruce</span> text.. "you are wearing a shirt with a dead child molester on it." what??? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">michael</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">jackson</span> died i exclaimed and looked down at my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">shrit</span>. everyone at the cart looked up from delicious snacks in wonder.. "what??" "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">i'm</span> googling that!" sure enough: dead. age 50. crazy. and i had just <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">thrifted</span> that t the day before. now i was in s <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">swirl</span> of emotions. good burrito. hot beans. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">mj</span> dead. was it the shirt??<br /><br />later i met sf - <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">pookie</span> up on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">alberta</span> for last <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">thursday</span> and let me tell you there were some <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">weirdos</span> up there. crazy time. so many people. so odd. we had to get out of there it was too much. down to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">katies</span> for some booze. were going to go to a party and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">sp</span> and i were exchanging numbers and some how he already had it saved as "g". i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">definitely</span> didn't have his. what? i just met him a few weeks back and i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">dont</span> every remember exchanging numbers, nor does he... odd. did he get it from me years back in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">denver</span> and we <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">dont</span> remember?? or was it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">sunday</span>? but wouldn't he have put my name in on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">sunday</span>? who knows. later he tried to smooch me and licked my face. gross. who does that. who taught these kids to smooch? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">jesus</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">christ</span>. i cant wait to see my little <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">silv</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">mmm</span>. 4 glorious days in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">san</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">francisco</span> with stellar dude. hell yes.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-75220791964761752682009-06-16T23:20:00.000-07:002009-06-16T23:38:17.291-07:00still hungover, damn jug o wine..<span style="font-family: arial;">didn't even realize i drank that much until <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">kev</span> pulled it out of the fridge this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">morning</span> and showed me i drank almost the whole thing. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">stellar</span> t. felt like poo all day. had coffee w <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">tk</span> today. he looked well and it was nice to see him. finally feel over things and have fond feelings towards the memories of things. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">apparently</span> hes trying to be healthy and might want to get the hell out of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">portland</span>. understandable, especially when all your friends are into things you aren't anymore. sometimes its easier to pick and move away, even if you still love them all. its easier to be who you want to be with no one around to judge you, or judge the change in you when no one knows you. maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">sil</span> wants to move here. i mean little sf is here and all kinds of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">homies</span> and its less expensive.. maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">i'll</span> daydream away about how he hearts me and wants to move here... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">mmmm</span>. sent him a text today about how he makes me <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">nervous</span> and giggly like a 12 year old girl. blew my cool!!! oh well i guess. at least i didn't talk to him last night when i was wasted. not that we haven't drank together (hello! the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">monog</span>. w sf??) but <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">apparently</span> i talked to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">d </span>and i was a big re. then i came home and threw up and passed out on the toilet and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">kev</span> had to wake me up when he got back to the apt. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">i'm</span> so fucking classy i cant even stand it.<br />been drinking too much this week. need to mellow out a bit. hard with the entire world coming to visit. which i love <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">dont</span> get me wrong but i want to party when the kids are in town. especially wet ones. part of why i left <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">denver</span>.. as mentioned before. i think i need to go to sleep. my head hurts. supposed photo shoot tomorrow. bit nervous. good though.<br /><br />just noticing the abundance of male friends i play with. i love my female friends but i want to run around like a 12 year old and males are often best for that. and they are low drama. and i heart their lifestyles..most anyway. the traveling ones i've been kickin with as of late especially. like i always say, so many male friends, never any boyfriends. maybe one day....<br /><br />going to daydream...<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-91779502605397929492009-06-11T19:40:00.000-07:002009-06-11T19:54:37.166-07:00obsessing for a minute<span style="font-family: arial;">first off, a girl i worked w for a hot minute called this morning asking me to go out for her birthday tonight, something i found odd considering we barely new each other, not even enough to exchange phone numbers.. which makes things even odder: she got my phone number from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">tk</span>. bizarre. the first time i kicked w <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">tk</span> at my work she mean mugged him the whole night. i know what man mentioned knowing her... maybe they were all <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">kickin</span> it or he recognized her from there and asked for my number? who knows. the thing is i would totally go but boys are in town skating up at hood and invited me up there.. but never told me how to get there and i feel <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">wierd</span> going cause its all <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">doods</span> skating and i feel like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'll</span> look like a pro ho, but i would love to go run around in the woods like a 7 year old. but i should network in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">pdx</span> and meet more people and get to know them and what not so i guess ill head to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">dantes</span> around 9. at least then i can figure out why the hell they were talking about me and maybe see <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">tk</span>. haven't spoken to him since... oh man a month? maybe? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">dont</span> know.. days ago for sure. almost feel ready to see him again. its not as annoying when i smell his <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">smell</span> on the entire world anymore. actually i almost called him the other day to see how he was but i didn't. kinda glad now cause he obviously HAD to at least think about me without me instigating it. and someone spoke highly enough of me to get a number so.. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">yah</span>.<br /><br />most importantly::: booked my flight to sf so i can go visit the beautiful silver!! and see sf!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">wooo</span>! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">july</span> 12<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">th</span> baby! cant wait. my brain runs fucking rampant any more. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">jesus</span> i need to slow it down or something.. i want to run and play and chat and do everything all the time. i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">dont</span> know how people snort drugs cause i can barely sit still as it is! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">jesus</span>! well gonna fix myself and ride my bike down to the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">barmuda</span> triangle and kick.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-8477435180448531882009-06-10T18:19:00.000-07:002009-06-10T18:38:50.641-07:00delicious boys...mmmmm<span style="font-family: arial;">so i was going to blog today cause its been quite a minute but not even sure where to start! killing time before the bar, went to the salon in the rain today and no one was there! so came home till 4, but then just decided to do laundry instead, been an interesting day! i was kinda bummed cause i could have gone up to hood to see <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">mho</span> while hes in town but its <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ok</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">probly</span> would have gotten in trouble and i wouldn't have chatted it up with pretty silver who called and invited me to stay with him in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">july</span>! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">mmm</span>.. that delicious man. maybe a little crazy but who cares! i rather enjoy an eclectic artist and you have to be a little nutty to fall into that category yes? and hes so pretty and nice. i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">wouldnt</span> even know he might be a tad nuts if i hadn't <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Internet</span> stalked him like i do... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">mmmm</span>.... its already been a week since <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">i've</span> seen him but i still cant shake him. i want to see him right now. hope i still feel the same by the time i go there! even if i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">dont</span> its a free place to stay and hes gorgeous so i cant imagine not! i know he'll show me a good time and its not like i would have a serious bf in the span of 6 weeks. less than 6 weeks! is 4 days enough? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">probly</span> cause we've only kicked a little. that should be the perfect time span. long enough to hang out, short enough to get away. and just enough time to party in sf in all its glory. cant wait!<br /><br />waiting for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">kev</span> to call me, he should be rolling into town real soon here. he and t are (hopefully not too many more) are staying here i think tonight then heading to hood tomorrow. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">i'll</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">probly</span> head up tomorrow eve after work since i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">dont</span> have to be at the bar till 730 on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">friday</span>. haven't been up there yet so it should be fun with all the hot boys on skateboards. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">i'm</span> such a crazy old lady already.. ha.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-86248973164967192082009-05-04T23:50:00.001-07:002009-05-05T00:29:32.439-07:00graduation letter<span style="font-family: arial;">the first of my nieces/nephews is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">graduation</span> high school and i feel that i want to do something for her besides throw money at her (not that i wont do that because come on, who doesn't want/expect cash flow for graduation? especially cause <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> the lame poor aunt who lives far away and lives the good life.. or odd life whatever). so i decided to write her a letter but who the hell knows what its going to say. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">heres</span> a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">beginning</span> attempt:<br /><br /><br />so high school came and went. i hope it was awesome. or as awesome as high school can be. but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">heres</span> to the rest of your life! from here on out there are going to be a million <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">possibilities</span>.. and just as many <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">disappointments</span>. you are an amazing human with so many talents, and so pretty look at too. so many things have gone your way thus far. you are so incredibly lucky! you may not be aware of it yet, but one day you will realize the amazing gifts you have been given.<br /><br />as you grow up, which you will do a shit ton of the next few years! oh man! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">anywho</span>, do not, and i repeat DO NOT ever grow up. learn. learn as much as you can. about ANYTHING. ask questions, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">especially</span> to people you do know and about things you know nothing about. even if you think you sound stupid. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">thats</span> when its most important. but learn, learn, learn, and grow, grow, grow, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">dont</span> grow up. remember that chubby little child inside so excited to lick the beaters! remember how fun it was to run around the playground screaming with out a care in the world! remember laughing and laughing and laughing at the stupidest thing ever in the whole wide world (never ever quit doing that ever by the way)!<br /><br />remember when you were a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">kidlet</span>... what did you want to be when you grow up? there may have been a few different things, but those were what you were most passionate about because back then you weren't aware of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">limitations</span>. remember those early dreams and make sure they come true one day. always follow your dreams even if they feel "stupid" or "<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">unattainable</span>" or "not sensible". as long as you are being as true to yourself as you possibly can, you can never go wrong. in any situation. if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">thats</span> not to say <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">dont</span> try it. sometimes we need to push the limits of our comfort zones in order to expand our <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">knowledge</span> and experience. most times actually. but trust your gut. if you get into a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">position /</span>situation that doesn't feel right, calmly get yourself out.<br /><br />i want you to do something for me: the next few years i want to you to meet as many people as possible and get to as much shit (adventures!!!) as possible. i only wish i had gotten into more. and sometimes its <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">ok</span> to do what <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">youre</span> "not supposed to". i worked very hard through school and had a great time but i got a lot more out of life once i didn't take it so seriously. which leads me back to my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">original</span> point.. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">DONT</span> EVER GROW UP. not for real.<br /><br />grow. live. be.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">i'm</span> so incredibly honored to have you as my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">niece</span> and couldn't have asked for a better one! please, please, please call me whenever you have a question about anything at all or if you ever are in need. there isn't a lot i haven't seen either personally or through my good <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">homies</span> these days so please <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">dont</span> hesitate to call for any reason at all. even if you are bored, or had one too many cocktails or its 3 am (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">im</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">probably</span> up, i keep <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">weird</span> hours) i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">dont</span> care. i know <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">i'm</span> not the most conventional of aunts but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">i'm</span> hoping that means we can have most unconventional relationship (those are always the best) as we continue down this yellow brick road together.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32">xoxo</span><br />auntie tine<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">ps</span> you can follow my stupid blog at www.blogspot.com/auntietine and my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">lovely</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_35">flickr</span> at www.flickr.com/photos/auntietine<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-2748462507465443072009-05-04T23:36:00.000-07:002009-05-04T23:48:08.202-07:00when it rains<span style="font-family: arial;">the rain in this city is crazy. though it threatens rail most days, it doesn't always happen, and when it does, its mostly a chilly drizzle. rarely do you hear the rain pounding upon the windows. even then, its simply rain, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">unaccompanied</span> by thunder (unless, perhaps, you are very lucky). the rain was heavy today. i car hear it just outside my tiny apartment... odd how it rains in this city.<br /><br />enjoying an eve alone with some delicious wine and a spliff.. as i spend most evenings alone. was kind of in the mood to get into something but it seems as if nothing exciting is goings down so i will enjoy my solitude, as i so often do. not lonely or heavy today. its nice.<br /><br />my neighbor to the east just coughed. i heard him through the tiny space which echos between my building and the one next to it. i saw him for the first time since <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i've</span> lived here last week. since then there have been a variety of odd objects appearing in the hallway outside his apartment.. a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">jesus</span> candle, large photographs in frames and tennis balls. lots and lots of tennis balls (its pouring now...). and for the first time <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i've</span> noticed a light coming from that apartment reflecting on the wall outside and his window open. i even heard him talking the other day. so so odd. i wasn't even sure someone lived there except for the odd ups packages sitting outside the door for days at a time.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-63412757318890268202009-04-26T22:28:00.000-07:002009-04-26T22:59:23.976-07:00<span style="font-family: arial;">i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dont</span> know where to start for my brains keeps swimming in a whirl pool around the same stupid issue, unable to come up with any <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">conclusions</span>. so much that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">dont</span> even know where to begin to write. it basically comes down to the fact that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> lonely. again. as per usual i guess. dew asked if i would be lonely when i got here, i said i was already lonely. for some reason i had this <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">romanticized</span> idea that i would find some companionship when i got here. i guess it gave me some sort of something to look forward to. i needed something to grasp onto. i still do. i need something to look forward to each day. i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dont</span> know where to look right now. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i've</span> been having a hard time being in the moment lately. i guess for a while now or i would have been content at home. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">im</span> constantly looking for a distraction. or is that life? what is life with out searching for that special distraction? person? place? or thing? nothing is satisfying. i need to find a salon. no putting it off anymore. patience doesn't work for me. i need to be <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">constructively</span> doing something i love and nothing is in that spot right now.<br /><br />i need to remember that i chose the position <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i'm</span> in and its really not a bad one. if i didn't do i would have wondered my whole life. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i'm</span> pushing the limits as cinder said, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">i'm</span> learning a whole lot about myself. every fucking day. up down sideways. it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">aint</span> always pretty. sometimes it is, but it always seems to be bittersweet.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-11985056579144048972009-04-14T13:01:00.000-07:002009-04-14T13:20:18.899-07:00i lost my heart shapped sunnies<span style="font-family: arial;">sad day. or maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'm</span> sad today cause <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">pmsing</span>. or maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> sad cause i miss <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">tk</span>. maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">im</span> a touch hung over. whatever the reason <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'm</span> sad today. i do really miss <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">tk</span> however. it felt so good to see him last week. we talked about hanging out either last night or today, but i have yet to hear from him. as always. for some reason i just love to be near him. i love the sex too but we cant do that anymore. i need a little <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">separation</span> from him. i do wish things were different though. i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">dont</span> think he misses me like i miss him. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i'm</span> also a little mad at him for his stupid quote on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">myspace</span> on not meeting anyone from the opposite sex who is honest with him and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i'll</span> probably call him out on it. 1. i was nothing but honest. too honest. 2. i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">dont</span> believe hes looking very hard, if at all and he needs to stop pretending that he is.<br /><br />i know i have so much other things going on and so many people who love me and think the world of me that i shouldn't care but i really just miss that little shit. it beautiful outside and i feel like i should enjoy the sunshine but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">i'm</span> so tired and sad today i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">dont</span> think i can. maybe sleep for a while and then ill walk echo some more.<br /><br />in other news:<br />while having cocktails with d last night we put together that his parents and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">al's</span> parents totally knew each other back in the day in boulder, through drugs and what not. crazy! i heart d hes such a good kiddo and i love <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">kickin</span> with him.<br />t and i decided to get married in 10 years. if all else fails anyway which <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">i'm</span> sure it will. at least it gives me something to hold on to when <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">i'm</span> feeling down. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">theres</span> always my little <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">harter</span>.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-36615213924217464122009-04-10T11:05:00.000-07:002009-04-10T11:48:12.934-07:00sublty perplexed<span style="font-family: arial;">after spending the evening with sf the other night, i realized a few things. that boy is super nice and i feel that he would treat me rather well. however we did not have a strong chemistry, which made me miss <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">tk</span>. but i broke up with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">tk</span> because he couldn't provide the companionship that sf can offer. two important things that one offers that the other doesn't. on the one hand, i haven't spent a whole lot of time with sf, there is a possibility that chemistry could grow, especially if i respect him as a person. on the other hand maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">tk</span> will realize the connection and be able to give me the small amount of companionship <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> asking for. or, in more realistic terms neither of these ideals will come through and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'm</span> left with man <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'm</span> super hot for who drives me insane, one who might make me crazy but always leaves me wanting more (hey maybe we'd balance each other out) or one who i always know will be there but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'm</span> not super hot for..<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">ok</span> i know i would get bored if the chemistry doesn't start to heat up with sf, especially cause i have enough guy friends who are there when i need.. sometimes i just need a hot piece of ass. but at the same time <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">i'm</span> kind of ready to have someone to take home at holidays. someone to share lunch with some <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i'm</span> not the only pig at the table eating their whole meal. ha. but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i've</span> been that person for so long and it fits so well..<br /><br />maybe i was too <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">sensitive</span> to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">tk</span>? we have so much fun together its amazing. but hes in a different place than me and i think he is afraid (or knows hes not ready, which is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">ok</span>... hello its a red head thing) to settle down with someone again. he had his whole life set and it blew up and then he was totally lost. which is how life is i think. but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">i'm</span> not sure if hes <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">ok</span> with that yet. hell when everything is set it starts to get boring anyhow. maybe i sold myself short with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">tk</span>.<br /><br />i guess <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">i'm</span> going to play the game for a minute (the best i can anyhow) even though i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">dont</span> love it. i think that this boy might need it. and maybe it will be fun. lets call it an experiment. if nothing else it will teach me to let things lie for a bit. something <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">i'm</span> not good at, at all!<br /><br />as my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">camcam</span> said, only time will tell. patience my little tine, patience.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-81909901987608424992009-04-09T11:11:00.000-07:002009-04-14T13:24:40.481-07:00the epitome of companionhsip<span style="font-family:arial;">deb and tom are, to me, are companionship to the fullest extent. the other night they wandered in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">katies</span> and i asked where they had been, i hadn't seen them in a few days and deb says "we managed to get a few nights in a hotel, he kept me naked the whole time! you know, you cant really get naked over at the camp," referencing the corner of the empty building they sleep under. though i was a touch <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">creeped</span> out, i was so stoked that through everything, they still like to get down! tom said to me one morning after deb was rushing him along, "she gets on me but i sure love her." Once i shared my lunch with them and deb sat at the bar waiting for tom to get done playing video poker before she ate anything, then she sat at the bar and re-braided his beard before heading out again. Maybe this is a mutual respect and agreement reached over many years on the street. maybe its the only way they can survive but to me, i can only dream of companionship so rich.</span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-55833122257577596262009-04-03T11:44:00.000-07:002009-04-03T11:51:33.885-07:00couchi am in a dire need of owning a couch. i have a small studio apartment with a few pieces of hand me down/trashpicked furniture, all of which i have grown rather attached to over the years. however the one piece i enjoy most of all is my glorious bed. the smell of it is intoxicating, and while i sleep so well in it, since i own no couch, or even chair for that matter, i am forced to conduct all of my home business from it. pretty soon i'm kind of chilly so i get under the covers. then the smell wafts up from my pillow and beatrix kiddo cuddles up next to me and before you know it i've been asleep for 2 hours and got nothing accomplished. again. i'm convinced that if i can find a couch and a few chairs i will stay away from my bed at least a little bit. the tomb-like ambiance of my little apartment doesn't help, as a large cement wall 4 feet from my windows blocks any and all sunlight that manages to filter through the oregon clouds... my next question is how on earth am i going to get a couch in here... hmm.tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-50905703135442144632009-03-31T18:13:00.000-07:002009-03-31T18:23:53.498-07:00day of irritation<span style="font-family: arial;">id like to start off with the fact that i still have not been in contact with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">tk</span> order to break things off. he managed to text me "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'm</span> so sorry my. i hopped out of bed and on to my bike. may i call when <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'm</span> off? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> not sure what happened last night..." and then never called. ever. i wonder if he knows that the longer he waits to talk to me the more i want to gouge his eye balls out. really i just want to have a quick chat to clear the slate because i hate having unfinished business and i hate being mad at people. either he knows whats in store and doesn't want to deal or has no idea and thinks he needs to talk me down from the ledge or thinks <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'm</span> going to yell at him and his tail is between his legs. either way he needs to fucking man up. hes almost 32 for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">christ's</span> sake! how come in the last 4 months <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i've</span> managed to get involved with 2 dudes over 30 who are even less emotionally mature than the retards my age? this one didn't even skate! and he found me! i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">dont</span> even know anymore.<br /><br />in other news: went to my fathers place to have snacks and it was the worst shit ever. the server was fat and slow and wouldn't refill my coffee. she totally ignored the people who joined the table after we ordered. she left <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">d's</span> bloody <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">mary</span> at the bar for at least 20 minutes and she put <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">d's</span> wallet behind the bar with out telling him. oh and the food was terrible.<br /><br />my cat is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">vibing</span> me to feed her so i should probably do that before she tries to eat my face.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-68345172845525445062009-03-30T17:21:00.000-07:002009-03-30T17:26:09.054-07:00so lame<span style="font-family: arial;">so i've officially decided that tk is toxic and we need to break it off and he wont even call me back so i can break up with him! what a shit. it would be ok but he has my favorite aa shirt and i really really want it back. if he would at least text me back! oh he irritates me. i need to have some sort of "closer" lame i know, so i can cut him out of my mind because hes sucking the life out of me and he doesn't even know or care! ahhhhh! would write more however i have no energy left to put into it. not even contemplative. i'm just so done, cant wait to be over it.</span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-77341989960425618282009-03-28T19:46:00.000-07:002009-03-28T20:08:51.149-07:00internet once again<span style="font-family: arial;">so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i'm</span> going to try to write more now that i have <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">internet</span> again. daily if possible. not that most things i have to write about are that interesting but you know.<br /><br />so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i've</span> been hanging out real tough with a boy for a little over a month that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> pretty into. i also enjoy his friends and like kicking with all of them. though all of this is wonderful, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'm</span> entirely sure how invested <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">tk</span>. he says that he knows lots of people and wants to introduce me which is wonderful cause i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">dont</span> know a lot of people and also speaks highly of me. he also mentioned he was afraid that in a few months when i met more people i wouldn't be into him anymore.. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">anywho</span>, my point is that as much as i would love to jump right in with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">tk</span> and his friends he wont entirely let me do it (maybe really is afraid <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i'd</span> run away from him) so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i'm</span> keeping my options open, which isn't entirely a bad thing considering i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">dont</span> know a lot of people here. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i've</span> been corresponding with a boy from sf via text, as well as occasional run ins on the street, and we talk about hanging out. this boy is cute but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">i'm</span> not entirely looking to date him. first because i need to meet more people on the friend level especially i already have a beau <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">i'm</span> into and second <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">i'm</span> not sure how i feel about "dating" two boys at once. it just feels weird and manipulative and selfish. but do i let sf know that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">i'm</span> kind of seeing someone? is that presumptuous that he even wanted that to begin with? or do i not tell him and just hang out? is that disclosing information? really i just want to hang with him and his boys cause i feel like we would get along and the more friends the better right now. and if i do end up liking him or any of his friends down the line we have already established some sort of connection for then. and they probably have rad female chicks i can befriend also. and hopefully they <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">dont</span> do so many drugs. whats with all the drugs these days? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">jesus</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">christ</span> people.<br />enough rant for today.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-87498685312935460652009-03-06T14:38:00.000-08:002009-03-06T14:56:27.816-08:00i'm not scared of being alone. i'm scared of what someone will really think of me if i let them all the way into the labyrinth of my brain.been writing at home in my journal as of late due to the fact i have no <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">interweb</span> at home. this however will soon change. not that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">dont</span> love the coffee shop but its starting to irritate me. especially when i have something to get off my chest and i have to write in that damn notebook and i cant keep up with my stupid thoughts!<br /><br />i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">definitely</span> have too many thoughts going on these days too! it seems <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> a perfectly normal individual until i have some sort of involvement with the opposite sex and then i cant get out of my fucking head! and by <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">involvement</span> i mean one of actual feelings not just hot sex. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'm</span> working very hard and trying to stay present and not let my thoughts get ahead of me but man <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">thats</span> hard! maybe cause its been a long damn time since a man <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i'm</span> interested in is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">actually</span> interested in me and for some reason i find that hard to wrap my brain around. obviously being single for so many years and living alone <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i've</span> become pretty independent, but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i'm</span> at a place in my live where <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">i'm</span> ready to let someone into that space i take up so much room in. when i find someone i think is worthy to actually occupy some of that space i get so nervous that they <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">dont</span> want to be there and i freak out. where as when i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">dont</span> want someone there they like to take up more than i want. then i over <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">analyze</span> everything in <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">existence</span> from the meaning of life to what is says if i wear these boots. how do i escape my swelling head? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">i've</span> tried drugs but apparently not the right ones cause that just intensified it. usually <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">thats</span> my go to but not this time! i tried booze but generally when i try to escape feeling with booze i cry/walk home and this time it was bad! sometimes i wish i was a kid again when i was perfectly happy riding my bike around the block for hours at a time only wondering if we were going to have chicken AGAIN for dinner.<br /><br />and now the reason why i feel the need to spill out all these stupid random thoughts: <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">ive</span> reached a conclusion!! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">i'm</span> not scared of being alone. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">i'm</span> scared of what someone will really think of me if i let them all the way into the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">labyrinth</span> of my brain.tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-3253417399402305232009-02-06T12:10:00.000-08:002009-02-06T12:31:34.269-08:00when you realizethat guys only talk to you cause they want to have sex with you, its weird. one the one side <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">theres</span> a validation that boys think your hot. but then they kinda want to have sex with just about anything anyhow. but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">theres</span> that annoying part about never having guy friends, especially when you've had so many for so long. like i said, i guess is flattering and validating that they think your kinda foxy, but do you have to talk about it and be an ass hole about the whole thing?<br /><br />so jimmy, a guy i work with asked if i wanted to go to a show with him and a guy from his band last night and i said yes<br />1. because i always love a good show, something <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i've</span> always done with guy friends cause its rare that you find a chick who wants to go to shows all the time. or it was when i was growing up <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">anywho</span>.<br />2. as <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">cameron</span> likes to reiterate often, this move is about getting out of my comfort zone so i had to go anyhow even if i didn't feel comfortable<br />3. i should meet as many people as possible cause i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dont</span> know anyone<br /><br />so the show was great and i had a lot of fun... until crazy jimmy, who i will forever refer to him as due to his FUCKED UP relationship in which he as dated the same girl for 13 years, since he was 15, though they constantly cheat on each other and have domestic disputes but wont break up cause <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">thats</span> too hard. what? seriously though? but he got super drunk, fine whatever like i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">dont</span> have plenty of experience with drunk ass <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">homies</span>, but then he started crossing lines. the crazy asked if he could like my armpit. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">ok</span> whatever gets your socks off. then mid conversation he licked the side of my face. weird. and then he says to his friend, josh i believe his name was, that josh always get the girls pregnant that he brings out. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">ok</span> not comfortable anymore.. and then i smoke bombed.<br /><br />i guess however <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">naively</span> i assumed that since jimmy had a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">gf</span> that he was somewhat <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">monogamous</span> and that he sincerely invited me to the show cause he thought i would enjoy it. he said he didn't want to hook up with people he worked with cause <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">thats</span> not <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">ok</span>, not that i wasn't attractive. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">ok</span> i can handle that. pleasing actually. but then when i find out that really <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">i'm</span> just a sex object not <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">ok</span>. i guess its whatever and talk about it all you want when <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">i'm</span> not around but not in front of me. the first time we hang out. maybe hes just a drunk fuck who is crazy in his head (duh).<br /><br />its funny cause when you only have male <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">homies</span> and not a bf you think <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">thats</span> all you are good for, but then when you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">dont</span> have either and you are just a sex object its so demeaning and annoying. well i guess this move was to learn about myself and life.. so far success!<br /><br />its also funny cause i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">dont</span> think of myself as attractive, i think <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">i'm</span> a dorky fun little chic <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">whos</span> a little odd and quirky... but as of late things seem to proving different.. its an <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">awkward</span> feeling.tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-85058628724774560392009-02-02T17:30:00.000-08:002009-02-02T17:49:25.107-08:00matador postat the matador drinking <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pbr</span> (which everyone refers to as <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">pabts</span> here in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">portland</span>... <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">wierd</span>) waiting for graham so we can ride bikes like the 12 year old kids we are.<br /><br />so they cut my sweet 4 shifts at the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">kob</span> to 3 shifts so now i HAVE to get my salon job or i cant pay rent. sweet. not that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">dont</span> need to get on that anyway but i didn't want it to be so stressful. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'm</span> kinda <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">bummin</span> on that whole <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">sitch</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">anywho</span> cause that interview at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">urbacca</span> was super stellar and then they never called. when i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">stooped</span> by today they guy behind the counter looked at me like a crazy. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i'm</span> trying to remember that whatever happens will be for the best and not to rush it or freak out but its hard. i mean, how do you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">convince</span> someone to hire you. i mean <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">i'm</span> a killer assistant and would a killer job... do i just say that. i mean i talked up my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">bar tending</span> skills which SUCK and managed to get that job. of course not right away. i was third choice but <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">i'm</span> killing it anyway so oh well. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">i'm</span> trying to remind myself that maybe i wont be first choice for a salon spot but once <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">i'm</span> there if i work hard they will be stoked on me. but i keep questioning my worth for some reason. i dunno maybe i was just in a bad spot this morning when i couldn't shake those thoughts.<br /><br />ha so i opened a tab cause the beer was 15o and i hate tipping 50 but i didn't want to tip 15o on a 150 beer... but now i dont really want another beer. of course if i go home i'm just going to stare at things while graham takes his sweet time eating soup so i might as well stay here and ramble on about bull shit eh? apparently i'm canadian now.. i tried to talk bri into coming to have a beer with me but i wont hold my breath. she probably thinks i have a drinking problem cause i drink by myself. but i had a long day! and i needed interweb. oooh pixies. beside the fact that i already had a beer in the shower...<br /><br />its funny graham commented on how different bri and i are and that we are such good friends and its so true. like the other eve while bri scoot and i sat here and i had a beer and they watched and then they went home at 930 even though they were off the next day and i had to work at 730. and she text me and told me she didn't have any money till next weekend. i just cant fathom my life like that... living so far from the city, never meeting up with friends. day in day out, boring job, watch tv, bed at 9 get up at 630 back to job i hate. fuck that. i dont EVER in a million years want that. it depresses me just thinking about that. i know she probably looks down on the shit bag life style i live but i do my best to be a good person and i love my life so oh well. and i love her so f it. i have to go get my other beer and close my tab. heh.tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-16267666018204050242009-01-30T11:10:00.000-08:002009-01-30T11:21:19.158-08:00sitting in the coffee shop window..<span style="font-family: arial;">maybe i look like a pretentious asshole sitting in the coffee shop on my laptop with my headphones on but if i had <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Internet</span> at home this wouldn't be an issue.. its not like i come here to look "cool" or whatever. really <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">im</span> just poor. from now on i will further attribute this same trait to others sitting in the coffee shop. oh and the guy who works here is kinda foxy so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">yah</span>.<br /><br />so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> settled into my new space though i feel i need some thrift store chairs and possibly a couch if i can find one in my budget. its a great little spot, aside from the brick wall it looks out at, but hey, gotta make sacrifices somewhere. besides i only signed a 6 month lease so if its super lame <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'll</span> just leave! the location is stellar however, in my humble opinion. i still feel like i need to get out and explore some more so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'll</span> probably do that this afternoon since <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">i'm</span> off. i like that i get to walk everywhere cause i really enjoy walking and kinda despise driving. maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i'll</span> get to sell my car, especially cause its nearly impossible to park around here! i guess if i ever get a salon job where i can actually walk to work.<br /><br />sorry <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">i'm</span> so insightful, or lack there of, today. i guess <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">theres</span> just random shit on my mind. or maybe stuff <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i'm</span> not sure if i need to put in writing as of yet.. things still up in the air. maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">thats</span> why <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i've</span> been so crazy lately. i feel like my head is <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">alllll</span> over the place and i cant focus on anything! maybe it was all the moving and whatnot i needed to get back into a schedule.<br /><br />i love sitting in the window cause i get to watch the odd people of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">portland</span> wander about. graham said that "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">theres</span> no attractive women in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">portland</span>"... which is possible but i think its just that they aren't so plastic so the attractive quotient is a bit different, which <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">im</span> kinda down with, especially after working at the salon of barbies. speaking of cam is coming out in a week and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">i'm</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">soooo</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">stooooked</span>! its gonna be a shit show i know, but i cant wait. so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">thats</span> enough blabbering i guess. more later.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-71900874728654772222009-01-11T18:57:00.000-08:002009-01-11T19:09:07.461-08:00can i tell you over the attitude i am?<span style="font-family: arial;">a lot! no body likes a know it all. or at least most people <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dont</span>. i have no idea how the hell you have a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">committed</span> relationship with one cause living with it drives me insane! my only plus side is that at least there is someone for everyone... i just hope my little lady isn't settling cause she deserves better. oh and i LOVE and can i say L O V E when i get to prove that little shit wrong. everyone likes to be right but i generally <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">dont</span> care too much, unless its rubbing wrongness in a know it <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">all's</span> face! even more when its something they care about that they think you know nothing about cause you just moved to this city and you are a woman. oh man <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">thats</span> validating. oh and stop putting the 2 things i left in the living room in my room. my boots were wet and i like the cross word puzzle book out there cause <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">i'm</span> an old lady. i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">dont</span> put your shit in your room do i? besides, i take up 1 tiny room in this 3 bedroom house, cant i leave 2 things in the living room? YOU HAVE THE WHOLE HOUSE!!! soon enough i will have my own little place i know. until then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">i'm</span> going to rant on here because i can.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-37817959302251505042009-01-06T18:02:00.000-08:002009-01-06T18:06:17.971-08:00employed. finally.<span style="font-family: arial;">apparently i am the latest addition to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">katie</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">o'brians</span>. its a little old and dingy looking inside but hey, who cares? oh and i have to work breakfast but i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">dont</span> have THAT much experience behind the bar and really i just need someone to pay me money so who the hell cares yes? <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">i'm</span> hoping to meet lots of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">interesting</span> people i can share stories about. we were pretty slow today so nothing interesting. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">thats</span> all for now i guess.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-70162057907774826672009-01-04T21:17:00.000-08:002009-01-04T21:30:02.396-08:00maybe i should sell my car<span style="font-family: arial;">its something <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">i've</span> been thinking about for a while now. not only will i inevitably save money on gas and insurance it will help save the environment. sure its convenient, but who's to say it makes me a better person? its just a thing. i guess it comes in handy when taking the kids to the vet, but i could always take a cab in those instances. i may want it to drive home in cause its cheaper, but if i stay for a while <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">i'll</span> start collecting belongings again and then <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">i'll</span> need a truck <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">anywho</span>. and with all the money i save from not having a car MAYBE i can save enough to get a truck home.<br /><br />obviously <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">i'm</span> not going to sell it tomorrow but its something to think about. if it was paid off too, that would be a different story. ill wait a few months and see how i feel when i get <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">settled</span> but i think i want to sell it. i wish i wouldn't have bought it actually. i wanted it to go to the mountains but i hardly went after i bought it! and i was living in the city and could have taken the bus. though it was quick and warm in the winter.<br /><br />i could save so much money if i had a significant other. we could share the car, an apartment, bills. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">im</span> pretty sure <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">thats</span> not the life i will have though. i like my independence too much. maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">i've</span> never met someone <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i'm</span> willing to sacrifice my life for yet, or maybe <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">i'm</span> not at the right point in my life.. you know, the point where <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">i'm</span> willing to sacrifice. but there are a lot of ways i could save money. i could eat less. i could shop less. i could SELL THE CAR. all of those are good ideas. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">i'll</span> work on money saving...<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6907334766026006332.post-77824987688663945612009-01-04T12:07:00.000-08:002009-01-04T12:16:36.319-08:00"i drew my favorite sceen from waiting to exhale.."<span style="font-family: arial;">...what? first of all who has a favorite <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">scene</span> from waiting to exhale? second who thinks <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">that's an</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">adequate</span> drawing in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">pictionary</span>? like any other person has seen waiting to exhale enough to know what <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">scene</span> you are drawing? <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">apparently</span> the guy i met last evening at the night light as a potential room mate LOVES that movie. hes got to be gay cause what straight guy would say that? really i cant think of another human who would say that...<br /><br />anyhow he was super nice and had a real nice house (except for the odd blue bathroom..) and LOTS of video game consoles including <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">nintendo</span>, super <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">nintendo</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">sega</span> as well as new games like rock band! i would have a super fun time there, oh yes i would. but i cant help but worry that he thinks <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">i'm</span> a nut job cause well, i am. everyone is i guess but most people hide it until they get to know people. i generally just throw it right our there, especially after a few cocktails. oops. but he hung out at the bar and played <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">pictionary</span> with us and even if he doesn't want to live w me (or vis a vis<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11"></span>... if i get some jobs this week as i might live alone...) i would be down to have <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">hh</span> with him again. or see his band or go to a show or whatever. i know many people here so who cares yes?<br /><br />scoot just took this kraut/potato/bacon pie thing out of the oven and smells real nice so <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">i'm</span> going to go check it.<br /></span>tinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06248194270424409636noreply@blogger.com0