so i was going to blog today cause its been quite a minute but not even sure where to start! killing time before the bar, went to the salon in the rain today and no one was there! so came home till 4, but then just decided to do laundry instead, been an interesting day! i was kinda bummed cause i could have gone up to hood to see mho while hes in town but its ok. probly would have gotten in trouble and i wouldn't have chatted it up with pretty silver who called and invited me to stay with him in july! mmm.. that delicious man. maybe a little crazy but who cares! i rather enjoy an eclectic artist and you have to be a little nutty to fall into that category yes? and hes so pretty and nice. i wouldnt even know he might be a tad nuts if i hadn't Internet stalked him like i do... mmmm.... its already been a week since i've seen him but i still cant shake him. i want to see him right now. hope i still feel the same by the time i go there! even if i dont its a free place to stay and hes gorgeous so i cant imagine not! i know he'll show me a good time and its not like i would have a serious bf in the span of 6 weeks. less than 6 weeks! is 4 days enough? probly cause we've only kicked a little. that should be the perfect time span. long enough to hang out, short enough to get away. and just enough time to party in sf in all its glory. cant wait!
waiting for kev to call me, he should be rolling into town real soon here. he and t are (hopefully not too many more) are staying here i think tonight then heading to hood tomorrow. i'll probly head up tomorrow eve after work since i dont have to be at the bar till 730 on friday. haven't been up there yet so it should be fun with all the hot boys on skateboards. i'm such a crazy old lady already.. ha.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
graduation letter
the first of my nieces/nephews is graduation high school and i feel that i want to do something for her besides throw money at her (not that i wont do that because come on, who doesn't want/expect cash flow for graduation? especially cause i'm the lame poor aunt who lives far away and lives the good life.. or odd life whatever). so i decided to write her a letter but who the hell knows what its going to say. heres a beginning attempt:
so high school came and went. i hope it was awesome. or as awesome as high school can be. but heres to the rest of your life! from here on out there are going to be a million possibilities.. and just as many disappointments. you are an amazing human with so many talents, and so pretty look at too. so many things have gone your way thus far. you are so incredibly lucky! you may not be aware of it yet, but one day you will realize the amazing gifts you have been given.
as you grow up, which you will do a shit ton of the next few years! oh man! anywho, do not, and i repeat DO NOT ever grow up. learn. learn as much as you can. about ANYTHING. ask questions, especially to people you do know and about things you know nothing about. even if you think you sound stupid. thats when its most important. but learn, learn, learn, and grow, grow, grow, but dont grow up. remember that chubby little child inside so excited to lick the beaters! remember how fun it was to run around the playground screaming with out a care in the world! remember laughing and laughing and laughing at the stupidest thing ever in the whole wide world (never ever quit doing that ever by the way)!
remember when you were a kidlet... what did you want to be when you grow up? there may have been a few different things, but those were what you were most passionate about because back then you weren't aware of limitations. remember those early dreams and make sure they come true one day. always follow your dreams even if they feel "stupid" or "unattainable" or "not sensible". as long as you are being as true to yourself as you possibly can, you can never go wrong. in any situation. if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't, but thats not to say dont try it. sometimes we need to push the limits of our comfort zones in order to expand our knowledge and experience. most times actually. but trust your gut. if you get into a position /situation that doesn't feel right, calmly get yourself out.
i want you to do something for me: the next few years i want to you to meet as many people as possible and get to as much shit (adventures!!!) as possible. i only wish i had gotten into more. and sometimes its ok to do what youre "not supposed to". i worked very hard through school and had a great time but i got a lot more out of life once i didn't take it so seriously. which leads me back to my original point.. DONT EVER GROW UP. not for real.
grow. live. be.
i'm so incredibly honored to have you as my niece and couldn't have asked for a better one! please, please, please call me whenever you have a question about anything at all or if you ever are in need. there isn't a lot i haven't seen either personally or through my good homies these days so please dont hesitate to call for any reason at all. even if you are bored, or had one too many cocktails or its 3 am (im probably up, i keep weird hours) i dont care. i know i'm not the most conventional of aunts but i'm hoping that means we can have most unconventional relationship (those are always the best) as we continue down this yellow brick road together.
xoxo
auntie tine
ps you can follow my stupid blog at www.blogspot.com/auntietine and my lovely flickr at www.flickr.com/photos/auntietine
so high school came and went. i hope it was awesome. or as awesome as high school can be. but heres to the rest of your life! from here on out there are going to be a million possibilities.. and just as many disappointments. you are an amazing human with so many talents, and so pretty look at too. so many things have gone your way thus far. you are so incredibly lucky! you may not be aware of it yet, but one day you will realize the amazing gifts you have been given.
as you grow up, which you will do a shit ton of the next few years! oh man! anywho, do not, and i repeat DO NOT ever grow up. learn. learn as much as you can. about ANYTHING. ask questions, especially to people you do know and about things you know nothing about. even if you think you sound stupid. thats when its most important. but learn, learn, learn, and grow, grow, grow, but dont grow up. remember that chubby little child inside so excited to lick the beaters! remember how fun it was to run around the playground screaming with out a care in the world! remember laughing and laughing and laughing at the stupidest thing ever in the whole wide world (never ever quit doing that ever by the way)!
remember when you were a kidlet... what did you want to be when you grow up? there may have been a few different things, but those were what you were most passionate about because back then you weren't aware of limitations. remember those early dreams and make sure they come true one day. always follow your dreams even if they feel "stupid" or "unattainable" or "not sensible". as long as you are being as true to yourself as you possibly can, you can never go wrong. in any situation. if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't, but thats not to say dont try it. sometimes we need to push the limits of our comfort zones in order to expand our knowledge and experience. most times actually. but trust your gut. if you get into a position /situation that doesn't feel right, calmly get yourself out.
i want you to do something for me: the next few years i want to you to meet as many people as possible and get to as much shit (adventures!!!) as possible. i only wish i had gotten into more. and sometimes its ok to do what youre "not supposed to". i worked very hard through school and had a great time but i got a lot more out of life once i didn't take it so seriously. which leads me back to my original point.. DONT EVER GROW UP. not for real.
grow. live. be.
i'm so incredibly honored to have you as my niece and couldn't have asked for a better one! please, please, please call me whenever you have a question about anything at all or if you ever are in need. there isn't a lot i haven't seen either personally or through my good homies these days so please dont hesitate to call for any reason at all. even if you are bored, or had one too many cocktails or its 3 am (im probably up, i keep weird hours) i dont care. i know i'm not the most conventional of aunts but i'm hoping that means we can have most unconventional relationship (those are always the best) as we continue down this yellow brick road together.
xoxo
auntie tine
ps you can follow my stupid blog at www.blogspot.com/auntietine and my lovely flickr at www.flickr.com/photos/auntietine
when it rains
the rain in this city is crazy. though it threatens rail most days, it doesn't always happen, and when it does, its mostly a chilly drizzle. rarely do you hear the rain pounding upon the windows. even then, its simply rain, unaccompanied by thunder (unless, perhaps, you are very lucky). the rain was heavy today. i car hear it just outside my tiny apartment... odd how it rains in this city.
enjoying an eve alone with some delicious wine and a spliff.. as i spend most evenings alone. was kind of in the mood to get into something but it seems as if nothing exciting is goings down so i will enjoy my solitude, as i so often do. not lonely or heavy today. its nice.
my neighbor to the east just coughed. i heard him through the tiny space which echos between my building and the one next to it. i saw him for the first time since i've lived here last week. since then there have been a variety of odd objects appearing in the hallway outside his apartment.. a jesus candle, large photographs in frames and tennis balls. lots and lots of tennis balls (its pouring now...). and for the first time i've noticed a light coming from that apartment reflecting on the wall outside and his window open. i even heard him talking the other day. so so odd. i wasn't even sure someone lived there except for the odd ups packages sitting outside the door for days at a time.
enjoying an eve alone with some delicious wine and a spliff.. as i spend most evenings alone. was kind of in the mood to get into something but it seems as if nothing exciting is goings down so i will enjoy my solitude, as i so often do. not lonely or heavy today. its nice.
my neighbor to the east just coughed. i heard him through the tiny space which echos between my building and the one next to it. i saw him for the first time since i've lived here last week. since then there have been a variety of odd objects appearing in the hallway outside his apartment.. a jesus candle, large photographs in frames and tennis balls. lots and lots of tennis balls (its pouring now...). and for the first time i've noticed a light coming from that apartment reflecting on the wall outside and his window open. i even heard him talking the other day. so so odd. i wasn't even sure someone lived there except for the odd ups packages sitting outside the door for days at a time.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
i dont know where to start for my brains keeps swimming in a whirl pool around the same stupid issue, unable to come up with any conclusions. so much that i dont even know where to begin to write. it basically comes down to the fact that i'm lonely. again. as per usual i guess. dew asked if i would be lonely when i got here, i said i was already lonely. for some reason i had this romanticized idea that i would find some companionship when i got here. i guess it gave me some sort of something to look forward to. i needed something to grasp onto. i still do. i need something to look forward to each day. i dont know where to look right now. i've been having a hard time being in the moment lately. i guess for a while now or i would have been content at home. im constantly looking for a distraction. or is that life? what is life with out searching for that special distraction? person? place? or thing? nothing is satisfying. i need to find a salon. no putting it off anymore. patience doesn't work for me. i need to be constructively doing something i love and nothing is in that spot right now.
i need to remember that i chose the position i'm in and its really not a bad one. if i didn't do i would have wondered my whole life. i'm pushing the limits as cinder said, i'm learning a whole lot about myself. every fucking day. up down sideways. it aint always pretty. sometimes it is, but it always seems to be bittersweet.
i need to remember that i chose the position i'm in and its really not a bad one. if i didn't do i would have wondered my whole life. i'm pushing the limits as cinder said, i'm learning a whole lot about myself. every fucking day. up down sideways. it aint always pretty. sometimes it is, but it always seems to be bittersweet.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
i lost my heart shapped sunnies
sad day. or maybe i'm sad today cause i'm pmsing. or maybe i'm sad cause i miss tk. maybe im a touch hung over. whatever the reason i'm sad today. i do really miss tk however. it felt so good to see him last week. we talked about hanging out either last night or today, but i have yet to hear from him. as always. for some reason i just love to be near him. i love the sex too but we cant do that anymore. i need a little separation from him. i do wish things were different though. i dont think he misses me like i miss him. i'm also a little mad at him for his stupid quote on myspace on not meeting anyone from the opposite sex who is honest with him and i'll probably call him out on it. 1. i was nothing but honest. too honest. 2. i dont believe hes looking very hard, if at all and he needs to stop pretending that he is.
i know i have so much other things going on and so many people who love me and think the world of me that i shouldn't care but i really just miss that little shit. it beautiful outside and i feel like i should enjoy the sunshine but i'm so tired and sad today i dont think i can. maybe sleep for a while and then ill walk echo some more.
in other news:
while having cocktails with d last night we put together that his parents and al's parents totally knew each other back in the day in boulder, through drugs and what not. crazy! i heart d hes such a good kiddo and i love kickin with him.
t and i decided to get married in 10 years. if all else fails anyway which i'm sure it will. at least it gives me something to hold on to when i'm feeling down. theres always my little harter.
i know i have so much other things going on and so many people who love me and think the world of me that i shouldn't care but i really just miss that little shit. it beautiful outside and i feel like i should enjoy the sunshine but i'm so tired and sad today i dont think i can. maybe sleep for a while and then ill walk echo some more.
in other news:
while having cocktails with d last night we put together that his parents and al's parents totally knew each other back in the day in boulder, through drugs and what not. crazy! i heart d hes such a good kiddo and i love kickin with him.
t and i decided to get married in 10 years. if all else fails anyway which i'm sure it will. at least it gives me something to hold on to when i'm feeling down. theres always my little harter.
Friday, April 10, 2009
sublty perplexed
after spending the evening with sf the other night, i realized a few things. that boy is super nice and i feel that he would treat me rather well. however we did not have a strong chemistry, which made me miss tk. but i broke up with tk because he couldn't provide the companionship that sf can offer. two important things that one offers that the other doesn't. on the one hand, i haven't spent a whole lot of time with sf, there is a possibility that chemistry could grow, especially if i respect him as a person. on the other hand maybe tk will realize the connection and be able to give me the small amount of companionship i'm asking for. or, in more realistic terms neither of these ideals will come through and i'm left with man i'm super hot for who drives me insane, one who might make me crazy but always leaves me wanting more (hey maybe we'd balance each other out) or one who i always know will be there but i'm not super hot for..
ok i know i would get bored if the chemistry doesn't start to heat up with sf, especially cause i have enough guy friends who are there when i need.. sometimes i just need a hot piece of ass. but at the same time i'm kind of ready to have someone to take home at holidays. someone to share lunch with some i'm not the only pig at the table eating their whole meal. ha. but i've been that person for so long and it fits so well..
maybe i was too sensitive to tk? we have so much fun together its amazing. but hes in a different place than me and i think he is afraid (or knows hes not ready, which is ok... hello its a red head thing) to settle down with someone again. he had his whole life set and it blew up and then he was totally lost. which is how life is i think. but i'm not sure if hes ok with that yet. hell when everything is set it starts to get boring anyhow. maybe i sold myself short with tk.
i guess i'm going to play the game for a minute (the best i can anyhow) even though i dont love it. i think that this boy might need it. and maybe it will be fun. lets call it an experiment. if nothing else it will teach me to let things lie for a bit. something i'm not good at, at all!
as my camcam said, only time will tell. patience my little tine, patience.
ok i know i would get bored if the chemistry doesn't start to heat up with sf, especially cause i have enough guy friends who are there when i need.. sometimes i just need a hot piece of ass. but at the same time i'm kind of ready to have someone to take home at holidays. someone to share lunch with some i'm not the only pig at the table eating their whole meal. ha. but i've been that person for so long and it fits so well..
maybe i was too sensitive to tk? we have so much fun together its amazing. but hes in a different place than me and i think he is afraid (or knows hes not ready, which is ok... hello its a red head thing) to settle down with someone again. he had his whole life set and it blew up and then he was totally lost. which is how life is i think. but i'm not sure if hes ok with that yet. hell when everything is set it starts to get boring anyhow. maybe i sold myself short with tk.
i guess i'm going to play the game for a minute (the best i can anyhow) even though i dont love it. i think that this boy might need it. and maybe it will be fun. lets call it an experiment. if nothing else it will teach me to let things lie for a bit. something i'm not good at, at all!
as my camcam said, only time will tell. patience my little tine, patience.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
the epitome of companionhsip
deb and tom are, to me, are companionship to the fullest extent. the other night they wandered in katies and i asked where they had been, i hadn't seen them in a few days and deb says "we managed to get a few nights in a hotel, he kept me naked the whole time! you know, you cant really get naked over at the camp," referencing the corner of the empty building they sleep under. though i was a touch creeped out, i was so stoked that through everything, they still like to get down! tom said to me one morning after deb was rushing him along, "she gets on me but i sure love her." Once i shared my lunch with them and deb sat at the bar waiting for tom to get done playing video poker before she ate anything, then she sat at the bar and re-braided his beard before heading out again. Maybe this is a mutual respect and agreement reached over many years on the street. maybe its the only way they can survive but to me, i can only dream of companionship so rich.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
