when you realize

that guys only talk to you cause they want to have sex with you, its weird. one the one side theres a validation that boys think your hot. but then they kinda want to have sex with just about anything anyhow. but theres that annoying part about never having guy friends, especially when you've had so many for so long. like i said, i guess is flattering and validating that they think your kinda foxy, but do you have to talk about it and be an ass hole about the whole thing?

so jimmy, a guy i work with asked if i wanted to go to a show with him and a guy from his band last night and i said yes
1. because i always love a good show, something i've always done with guy friends cause its rare that you find a chick who wants to go to shows all the time. or it was when i was growing up anywho.
2. as cameron likes to reiterate often, this move is about getting out of my comfort zone so i had to go anyhow even if i didn't feel comfortable
3. i should meet as many people as possible cause i dont know anyone

so the show was great and i had a lot of fun... until crazy jimmy, who i will forever refer to him as due to his FUCKED UP relationship in which he as dated the same girl for 13 years, since he was 15, though they constantly cheat on each other and have domestic disputes but wont break up cause thats too hard. what? seriously though? but he got super drunk, fine whatever like i dont have plenty of experience with drunk ass homies, but then he started crossing lines. the crazy asked if he could like my armpit. ok whatever gets your socks off. then mid conversation he licked the side of my face. weird. and then he says to his friend, josh i believe his name was, that josh always get the girls pregnant that he brings out. ok not comfortable anymore.. and then i smoke bombed.

i guess however naively i assumed that since jimmy had a gf that he was somewhat monogamous and that he sincerely invited me to the show cause he thought i would enjoy it. he said he didn't want to hook up with people he worked with cause thats not ok, not that i wasn't attractive. ok i can handle that. pleasing actually. but then when i find out that really i'm just a sex object not ok. i guess its whatever and talk about it all you want when i'm not around but not in front of me. the first time we hang out. maybe hes just a drunk fuck who is crazy in his head (duh).

its funny cause when you only have male homies and not a bf you think thats all you are good for, but then when you dont have either and you are just a sex object its so demeaning and annoying. well i guess this move was to learn about myself and life.. so far success!

its also funny cause i dont think of myself as attractive, i think i'm a dorky fun little chic whos a little odd and quirky... but as of late things seem to proving different.. its an awkward feeling.