Tuesday, December 30, 2008

i need a home

i feel so stuck. i'm tired of sitting in the boring living room in the boring house in the boring neighborhood. i know it will change as soon as i get a job but when is that going to be. i've applied at so many places i cant even count anymore. i managed to get a few interviews but the only lady who wants to hire me doesn't have any employees so she doesn't give a fuck. oh and its in clakamas... i dont think so. especially cause they have no color line and no existing clientele... that's like suicide. be patient be patient be patient is what keeps repeating in my mind and what everyone keeps saying but everything is so stagnant i can hardly handle it. maybe i made a mistake trying to do this whole thing. but i know that if i didn't try would always wonder. and maybe i should have waited and saved more money but then something else would have come up and i would have put it off further. or maybe not. no one can know.

i just want my own place with my own things with my own style in a neighborhood where SOMETHING is going on. i would feel so much better then. but i need a job first. everything has just been so discouraging. trying to keep my head up but its getting so heavy. i really want that other job i interviewed with yesterday but they were supposed to make their decision last night and i haven't heard anything so its probably a no. i wonder if i should call and find out why i didn't get hired. at least then i'll have some feed back. its not like i'm not qualified for the job, not that the manager even looked at my resume so what the fuck does he know. and maybe i dont want to work some where with a stupid manager. but PLEASE JUST PAY ME MONEY SO I CAN GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE. i have 3 weeks before i need to make a major decision about staying or leaving and hopefully something will work out by then. maybe this is what cinder was talking about when she said you learn a lot about your self when you do this. or maybe i haven't even scratched the surface yet.

Monday, December 29, 2008

if i dont get this job

i'm going to cry. trying to be patient, they are going to make a decision tonight so maybe they will call tomorrow...

i need to study for my oregon hair license but 27 pages of rules and laws sounds really, really boring...

Sunday, December 28, 2008

street cat

so i walked into my room a few moments ago to find a half eaten dog biscuit in the middle of my bed, surrounded by crumbs. lots of crumbs. between the sheets. first i was pissed.. really you had to do that in my bed? second i was amazed. who did this and how? i turned to look at the box of biscuits on top of dakotas kennel. open, as we genearlly leave them, but still upright, as if no one had touched them. since there were no other humans home and hadn't been for several days i figured i must have left one somewhere. but after a few moments of thought, i realized that wouldn't have happened either. then beatrix leaped onto the bed, batted around the treat for a moment, then siezed the biscuit in her mouth and scampered off the bed. moments later echo stole and treat and gobbled it down immeadately and i realized what must have gone down:

beatrix was bored and left unattended so, being the food crazy street kitten she is, she stole a biscuit from the open box on top of dakota's kennel (an easy move for a cat who can weasel her way into a tupperware full of dog food on top of the refrigerator), and ran back into my room, into the safety of the bed before anyone could stop her or eat the treat. obviously this is what happened because neither of the dogs can reach the treats and as dogs do, they would eat the treat instantly. also only a cat can manage to retrieve a single treat with out spilling the box and only a cat, even food obsessed street cat, could make into the next room before eating a tiny treat, and leaving half behind for that matter. at the point i couldn't even be mad, simply impressed by the cunning of that addorable little brat.


Friday, December 26, 2008

party on

just watched waynes world. forgot how great that flick is. feeling less crazy today, not entirely sure why. maybe cause i've been left to my own devices. for some reason i often my find myself more entertained when left alone cause i can do whatever the fuck i want without worrying anyone is going think i'm a nut for playing dress up in my own closet for hours on end. is that weird? do other people do that? i just like getting dressed i guess. especially when i have the time do it and i definitely have a lot of that right now. unfortunately i dont really have any where to go at the present time. not that i couldn't find some where to go but i'm low on cash flow so i'm just going to wait. when everything is put in those terms i feel much more content to stay home. oh and i've gone to bed at 10 almost every night since i've been here. party on right? it is kind of a nice change though. i was getting so bored in denver. same people every night. same old shit every day. not that there wasn't people i adored but everything was just...we... the same. i'm sure it will feel like that eventually here too but i just needed a change of scenery. i feel like i'm too young to be stuck some where. i need to see and do and learn as much as possible cause who knows long i actually have on this planet. or how long this planet has to live for that matter. or, if i do for some reason i decided that children aren't the devil and i need to raise a few, i need to be fully prepared. ie i need to learn as much as possible so i can teach them and i need to do as much as possible so i dont hate them.

i have an interview at a salon on monday but i'm not sure its really where i want to be. its pretty far out. technically its in happy valley (queer) but i'm going to the interview to at least check it out. its just, if going to work my ass off to promote myself and a salon i'd like it to be a salon that kills it. its not like i'm going to make a lot of money there right away anyhow. but who knows, maybe there are a lot a rich ladies that live around there... but i feel like they would go downtown.. to the pearl if you will. maybe i'm stereo typing. at least the interview will be good practice, its been a long time since i interviewed. they might not even like me. wow my post is boring today... but i guess such is my life at the present time. its all in my head and in this little house in ne portland...


Thursday, December 25, 2008

i may be going insane

or maybe i already was. day 23 of portland. still, the only two people i know are bri and scoot who flew home to denver today which leaves me one week alone. well, with the company of the dogs and beatrix kiddo, but they dont say much. not that i can say i entirely hate that they dont say much cause i wont lie, i enjoy my solitude. i also however enjoy going out and running around. oh and having a cocktail. or 7. i've been getting quite nervouse cause i still have no job and everyday that i dont have a job i panic that i'll have to pack up, move home and go back to work at blondies just to make some money. not that i will be afraid that i failed ... cats in the kitchen i can tell... anywho... cause i wanted to see if i could do this and if it doesn't work out oh well, but i really dont want to live at home ever again. oh and beatrix will have to live somewhere else for a bit, hopefully cindy's, until i can find a place cause daddy is allergic to kittykitty. and i know that they dont want echo again, and who would, one sheltie is more than enough. who wants 2? i dont. or even more then that, i dont want to work at blondies. HUGE part of why i left. that i was super over what denver was bringing me. not that my life wouldn't be different if i lived at home again but i just dont want to go back. not yet anyway. i guess if i really want to make this happen i will. i mean, i made it here right? so far i'm doing what i can to stay busy and network. i just need to give it time but patience is not one of my strong suits. or maybe its just that i dont know anyone and i've been stuck in the house all week due to the snow that doesn't fall in portland. however i know if i can make through the winter in summer it will be amazing. the city is beautiful i know what it will be more amazing when the trees and flowers are in bloom and i'm free to wander. and 6 months from now i will know people. this is the worst of the worst and i picked the worst time time of year. a little on purpose cause i wanted to waste the money saving and knowing no one for the winter cause i hate wasting summer! ok i feel better already, just getting all that out. i dont really know who to talk to about this cause i dont want to worry my mama, like always, and i dont to let bri and scott know that i really have no money. oops. not that they care but i like people to think i make better decisions than i do. i dont exactly make the safest decisons all the time cause i like fun and adventure and i have no patience. ha. oh well, it makes things more interesting which is the point anyhow.

trying to decided if i should go to the movies. i want to go see milk and i dont have anything else to do due to monetary constrictions i feel i should the $10 i would spend...