Friday, April 10, 2009

sublty perplexed

after spending the evening with sf the other night, i realized a few things. that boy is super nice and i feel that he would treat me rather well. however we did not have a strong chemistry, which made me miss tk. but i broke up with tk because he couldn't provide the companionship that sf can offer. two important things that one offers that the other doesn't. on the one hand, i haven't spent a whole lot of time with sf, there is a possibility that chemistry could grow, especially if i respect him as a person. on the other hand maybe tk will realize the connection and be able to give me the small amount of companionship i'm asking for. or, in more realistic terms neither of these ideals will come through and i'm left with man i'm super hot for who drives me insane, one who might make me crazy but always leaves me wanting more (hey maybe we'd balance each other out) or one who i always know will be there but i'm not super hot for..

ok i know i would get bored if the chemistry doesn't start to heat up with sf, especially cause i have enough guy friends who are there when i need.. sometimes i just need a hot piece of ass. but at the same time i'm kind of ready to have someone to take home at holidays. someone to share lunch with some i'm not the only pig at the table eating their whole meal. ha. but i've been that person for so long and it fits so well..

maybe i was too sensitive to tk? we have so much fun together its amazing. but hes in a different place than me and i think he is afraid (or knows hes not ready, which is ok... hello its a red head thing) to settle down with someone again. he had his whole life set and it blew up and then he was totally lost. which is how life is i think. but i'm not sure if hes ok with that yet. hell when everything is set it starts to get boring anyhow. maybe i sold myself short with tk.

i guess i'm going to play the game for a minute (the best i can anyhow) even though i dont love it. i think that this boy might need it. and maybe it will be fun. lets call it an experiment. if nothing else it will teach me to let things lie for a bit. something i'm not good at, at all!

as my camcam said, only time will tell. patience my little tine, patience.

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