i may be going insane

or maybe i already was. day 23 of portland. still, the only two people i know are bri and scoot who flew home to denver today which leaves me one week alone. well, with the company of the dogs and beatrix kiddo, but they dont say much. not that i can say i entirely hate that they dont say much cause i wont lie, i enjoy my solitude. i also however enjoy going out and running around. oh and having a cocktail. or 7. i've been getting quite nervouse cause i still have no job and everyday that i dont have a job i panic that i'll have to pack up, move home and go back to work at blondies just to make some money. not that i will be afraid that i failed ... cats in the kitchen i can tell... anywho... cause i wanted to see if i could do this and if it doesn't work out oh well, but i really dont want to live at home ever again. oh and beatrix will have to live somewhere else for a bit, hopefully cindy's, until i can find a place cause daddy is allergic to kittykitty. and i know that they dont want echo again, and who would, one sheltie is more than enough. who wants 2? i dont. or even more then that, i dont want to work at blondies. HUGE part of why i left. that i was super over what denver was bringing me. not that my life wouldn't be different if i lived at home again but i just dont want to go back. not yet anyway. i guess if i really want to make this happen i will. i mean, i made it here right? so far i'm doing what i can to stay busy and network. i just need to give it time but patience is not one of my strong suits. or maybe its just that i dont know anyone and i've been stuck in the house all week due to the snow that doesn't fall in portland. however i know if i can make through the winter in summer it will be amazing. the city is beautiful i know what it will be more amazing when the trees and flowers are in bloom and i'm free to wander. and 6 months from now i will know people. this is the worst of the worst and i picked the worst time time of year. a little on purpose cause i wanted to waste the money saving and knowing no one for the winter cause i hate wasting summer! ok i feel better already, just getting all that out. i dont really know who to talk to about this cause i dont want to worry my mama, like always, and i dont to let bri and scott know that i really have no money. oops. not that they care but i like people to think i make better decisions than i do. i dont exactly make the safest decisons all the time cause i like fun and adventure and i have no patience. ha. oh well, it makes things more interesting which is the point anyhow.

trying to decided if i should go to the movies. i want to go see milk and i dont have anything else to do due to monetary constrictions i feel i should the $10 i would spend...