i feel so stuck. i'm tired of sitting in the boring living room in the boring house in the boring neighborhood. i know it will change as soon as i get a job but when is that going to be. i've applied at so many places i cant even count anymore. i managed to get a few interviews but the only lady who wants to hire me doesn't have any employees so she doesn't give a fuck. oh and its in clakamas... i dont think so. especially cause they have no color line and no existing clientele... that's like suicide. be patient be patient be patient is what keeps repeating in my mind and what everyone keeps saying but everything is so stagnant i can hardly handle it. maybe i made a mistake trying to do this whole thing. but i know that if i didn't try would always wonder. and maybe i should have waited and saved more money but then something else would have come up and i would have put it off further. or maybe not. no one can know.
i just want my own place with my own things with my own style in a neighborhood where SOMETHING is going on. i would feel so much better then. but i need a job first. everything has just been so discouraging. trying to keep my head up but its getting so heavy. i really want that other job i interviewed with yesterday but they were supposed to make their decision last night and i haven't heard anything so its probably a no. i wonder if i should call and find out why i didn't get hired. at least then i'll have some feed back. its not like i'm not qualified for the job, not that the manager even looked at my resume so what the fuck does he know. and maybe i dont want to work some where with a stupid manager. but PLEASE JUST PAY ME MONEY SO I CAN GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE. i have 3 weeks before i need to make a major decision about staying or leaving and hopefully something will work out by then. maybe this is what cinder was talking about when she said you learn a lot about your self when you do this. or maybe i haven't even scratched the surface yet.